A pothole naming project

SOME RFP supporters are angry at Muckraker for saying Uncle Sammy’s government has achieved zero in the first 100 days.

Muckraker sincerely apologises to the RFP’s apologists.

It was never her goal to remind them of the reality of kissing their proud but frustrated foreheads. Blame it on her dismal and embarrassing failure to appreciate the government’s excellent work.

Indeed, they have made some breathtaking achievements in the past 100 days.

Three things, in particular, have been such stunning successes that Muckraker is inclined to give the government an A+ on.

Lucrative contracts that have helped create hundreds of jobs have been created.

Several new toll gates in Maseru.

And one type of business that has been doing so exceptionally that several new millionaires have been made.

First, the contracts and jobs created. The government awarded contracts to those unemployed youths filling potholes on our roads and created hundreds of jobs.

The contracts were not officially announced because it was obvious that they were designed to benefit the youths who have been crying for jobs.

Only the jealous and bitter will allege that those young men are not delivering on schedule and within budget.

Muckraker is not sure if those contractors are working under the public-private partnership (PPP). But we can assume that is the deal because the contractors have created several toll gates to collect some fees for their work.

You see them every day on our roads, holding cups for their collections.

Credit should be given to the government for making it easier for the contractors by not demanding experience, qualifications or ‘yellow plant’.

Just their energy, shovels and wheelbarrows were sufficient contracts.

They were the “bring your SHEB kind of contracts”. Sweat, Hunger, Energy and Begging.

Muckraker’s only complaint is that the contractors rarely collect fees from Uncle Sammy’s convoy because it’s always in a hurry.

Muckraker has also seen some ungrateful ministers’ drivers speeding through the toll gates and pretending not to see those contractors and their finance managers. Stop it! That is unfair. These are your government’s people and they should be paid under the PPP deal.

So which millionaires have been made in the first 100 days? Well, it’s the Chinese who own shops selling vehicle spare parts.

For every car damaged by a pothole, a Chinese business person is smiling to the bank.

Potholes are their business partners because they create customers for shocks, tyres, ball joints, rims, sumps and fenders.

The Chinese have orgasms when they see cars diving into potholes.

Muckraker once heard a Chinese man shouting “they are coming!” after a pothole swallowed a Honda Fit’s wheel.

Each pothole has created hundreds of thousands of Maloti for the Chinese businessmen.

But let’s not harshly and hastily judge the government.

Maybe this is what they meant when they promised to create jobs, give opportunities to locals and bring in foreign direct investment.

Neglect the roads so that the youths can repair them for fees and the Chinese mint money from car parts.

To show that her apology is sincere, Muckraker suggests a simple way to make amends. Since the potholes are a sign of success rather than failure we should honour them by naming them after those who founded the RFP.

The one at the roundabout near Pioneer Mall can be christened Sammy.

That notorious one at the robots near Pioneer Mall might be Sekhamane.

Those at the roundabout in Borokoaneng are itching to be called Kobeli.

The name for the ones near the Palace of Justice is obvious.

So is the one at the central bank. There is no need to waste time by naming those on the way to TY. Wink, wink and wink. You are welcome to name the rest after the other heroes. You have ten names from which to choose. Take your time because this is a historic moment. Don’t spoil the fun by being oversensitive as if those people are your uncles and aunts.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com