Farting on the government

Limpho Tau, the Minister in Uncle Sam’s office, had a strong message for criminals last week.

“Criminals must stop poking the government in the eye because it will respond heavily as it is dedicated to making Lesotho a better place to live in,” Tau said in an interview with a local newspaper.

If you don’t see the joke in that statement you have a sense of humour of a stone. The minister was speaking to himself because most criminals don’t read newspapers.

If he wasn’t speaking to himself he was addressing the victims of crime.

That is as good as saying nothing because victims are not interested in the government’s threats to criminals but action.

But it gets worse.

Here was a minister talking to criminals as if they were some petty thieves easily cowed by threats. Speaking like a headmaster of an unruly school.

While Tau talked about criminals poking the government’s eye Basotho are living in a hell managed by criminals who kill, rape and steal.

So the government is having it better in this crisis. Just a bit of eye-poking here and there. Poke, poke and poke.

It must not complain because people are killed while it only has to deal with eye-poking that it can stop by wearing glasses or staying away from criminals.

Maybe the government’s eye has been poked so much that it cannot see criminals wreaking havoc in our villages.

Tau, who is one of Muckraker’s favourite ministers, was talking about a government being provoked as if it’s some emotional being that needs provoking to react.

If provocation is what Uncle Sam’s government needs to act on criminals we should all pray because this administration is slow to anger. And by the way, this is not an instigation to that church group known for pretending to be a peacemaker, to call for a national day of prayer.

This is serious.

The reality is that criminals have gone beyond poking their fingers in the government’s eye. They are molesting this government with impunity.

They are so comfy that they are playing morabaraba on the government’s head.

Some are now using the ministers’ heads as likhomo for their morabaraba.

Others are swinging on Uncle Sam’s beard. Some have stolen the wig Sister Majara wore when she was chief justice. Muckraker will not say what they have done with Justice Masefokolo’s weave.

All of them.

This is serious.

The criminals are having a football match on Sekhamane’s head. He can shout “Order!” to MPs but criminals are scoring goals on his head.

They are stick-fighting at the State House.

No amount of threats from ministers will stop criminals from farting on this government. At this rate, it’s only a matter of time before the gasses turn into brown solids decorated with some undigested poone. This is serious.

When it comes to fighting crime this government is trying to stop diarrhoea with motlhotlo.

Nyoe nyoe, stop it! Blah, blah stop poking my eye. Nyoe, nyoe you are provoking us.
Here is how things have gone so far.

During the campaign, they promised to deal with crimes. When they came to power they threatened to deal with crime.

When the criminals continued as if nothing had happened the government told them to stop provoking it. These are their stages of dealing with criminals.

Soon the government will announce that it’s about to get angry because of the provocation. If the criminals don’t change their ways the government will announce that it’s now angry.

After being angry it will wait to be very angry before announcing that it’s about to act. The point is that real action that stops crimes is still on its way. Be afraid. Very afraid!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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