Just drive it!

Muckraker was 13 when she discovered a perfect way to fix phapharing blabbermouths who are clever by half.

The learning tool was a 16-year-old cousin who had come with his parents to Mafube for Christmas.

Nearly every uncle, aunt, nephew and cousin were at Muckraker’s grandmother’s house.

The yard was packed with cars.

Somewhere between drinking Oros and munching some drumsticks, Muckraker decided she didn’t like the cousin.

He was a big-headed fella who frowned upon the rural folks like Muckraker. He would not shut up about things Muckraker and her kind had never seen or received in their ears.

Nyoe, nyoe, Santa Barbra. Blah, blah VCR.

Nyoe, nyoe Michael Jackson.

Nyoe, nyoe Kingsway and Apollo lights.

His bragging was going fine until, out of the blue, he claimed to be a driver. Bingo!

That was the moment Muckraker had prayed for the whole week.

There it was… a chance to kick the bragging empty head off his high horse. And so the trap was set.

Muck: You are lying, you cannot drive anything!

Cousin: I can! I even drove my father’s Mercedes Benz on the way here.

Muck: You mean this Benz parked here now?

Cousin: Yes.

Muck: Prove it! Go take the keys from your father and come drive the car a little bit.

So cousin hurries to his father and tricks him into handing over his keys.

He comes back with a spring in his step, jumps in and starts the car.

It’s not long before Muckraker’s wish comes true.

Cousin raves the engine and rams into an aunt’s car. Boom!

He reverses into our granny’s kitchen and then turns into another uncle’s Cressida as he fights the steering wheel. Boom!

Now he is shocked by his incompetence as if he didn’t know he is incompetent. He turns right and smashes into the nearby tree. Boom!

He battles the steering wheel until he parks the car on top of the VIP toilet. Booooooom!

Her wishes granted, Muckraker sprints to tell the father of his son’s epic disaster. The car is a total wreck.

The furious father drags the shocked and teary cousin through the window and gives him a thorough beating.

The cousin was no driver but just a fast-talking charlatan who could not drive even a wheelbarrow.

Muckraker had proven that by merely daring the impostor to act on his lie. He was a problem to be fixed and Muckraker had fixed him.

Never argue with people who claim to be good at something.

Instead, just give them a chance to prove themselves.

Everyone deserves a chance to make a fool of themselves. That is what they mean when they talk about ‘equal opportunity’.

So where is Muckraker going with this?

Well, Uncle Sam and his RFP claimed they could drive this country to prosperity faster than you can say ‘Khotso, Pula, Nala’.

And what has that got to do with Muckraker’s cousin who claimed to be an expert driver. If you know you know.

If you don’t get the drift you need prayers.

Soon they will be blaming the previous gang for giving them an engineless car.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com