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Learn to walk away!



In response to a well-written piece by Thakane Rethabile Shale titled, Absolving men of responsibility, I thought I should pen my perspective to the story and offer an honest and sincere advice to our fellow brothers out there. I’m all about development, development, development. But it breaks my heart when one sees young people destroying their families and putting the future of their children in great danger. So, I decided to deactivate my Facebook account about a year ago because I felt that I had outgrown it. E ne e se e ntiisa. I would rather log-on to Twitter and tell the likes of Donald Trump and Fikile Mbalula where to get-off. I once found myself arguing with kids from NUL about the incorporation of Lesotho into South Africa on Facebook sometime last year (2020). You know how these kids are. They never hold punches. You know it’s time to leave when a person you vividly remember when they were born starts telling you that u ntso pota monga’ka. I mean, I found Facebook really childish. On the other hand, you have ladies posting their faces all day in a quest to seek approval. All you see is, “u motle friend”. Even a donkey will post a picture and seek approval on its beauty. Look, we have people destroying a country named Lesotho and the last thing we need is a person that will demand the whole world to tell them of how beautiful they are. Jesus! I remember a gentleman named Billy Monyane posting an announcement that read, “shebang mona lona, re le bone hore le batle, hape re amohetse hore le batle. Feela hona joale tjena re hloka ho bua ka politiki”. This means, we’ve all seen and approved your beauty but let’s now talk politics. Well, I still have people that send me happenings and screen-shots of Facebook from time to time, but a story that prompted me to write about this week’s topic is of a case of domestic violence that lead to death. This is a case of a young couple with two beautiful kids. I think one is six and the youngest is about two years old and now they don’t have a mother. Coincidentally, one of the kids shares a name with one of my daughters. So, after seeing this story making rounds on WhatsApp, I called a few of my people for some intelligence and was told that the conflict emanated from a dispute between the deceased woman and mother-in law over twenty maloti. 20! I don’t want to delve much into details of the dispute over twenty rands or who was right or wrong but my point is that men have to learn to walk away when a situation (argument) reaches a boiling point. Learn to walk away! One gentleman once said whenever things get heated-up at home, he usually packs his bags and goes to his mother’s house, to avoid being an instigator of gender based violence (GBV). I thought that was smart for reasons I will elaborate further below. Whether you see this man as a mother’s boy, he would have saved a life and a future of his kids. Going back to the topic under discussion, one of my friends said something profound and said this guy has destroyed lives of his kids forever and will live to regret this incident for the rest of his life. Was it worth it, the answer is no. What do you lose by walking away? Yes, you may be called timid (selehe) and may feel emasculated but at the end of the day, you will have averted a situation that you would live to regret for the rest of your life. The past year was terrible to young families because of the Covid-19 pandemic. It placed a lot of pressure on young couples more so on young men. As a result it created unbearable living conditions due to constant tension at home. Apparently, some men were for the first time, forced to be with their families. But, there’s simply no justification on beating up a woman because she insulted you and that you want to drive a point. Just pack your bags and go before you do something you’ll live to regret. Learn to walk away! At the same time, this does not give justification or licence for women to say the most atrocious things to men. Our sisters also have this bad tendency to saying things that are completely out of hand in order to fuel and vent their anger. Things like, e’a, akere ‘m’ao o’a loea (your mom is a witch). I mean, what’s the next thing that is going to happen after that? Violence. Just walk away! This message that I’m trying to drum in the heads of our men goes both ways. There’s no need to have a wrestling match of insults and keep raising the volume and temperature. Just walk away, even before the temperature rises. Learn to walk away! In conclusion, I think our beloved Baruti must look at situations from a different eye. There’s no logic and justification to encourage a woman or man to stay in an abusive marriage because people die at the end of the day. No, it’s best to preserve life and livelihoods than for people to live in pain and end up dying. Lives come first before stupid sentiments. “Le tlameha ho ithuta ho lula ka khotso”. Aikh’ona Ntate Moruti, I disagree. Lastly, I read a story in one of the local weekly newspapers about a man who killed a Central Bank of Lesotho staff member (Moruti) that he had suspected was having an affair with his wife (ka sethunya sa leshala). Now, tell me. What does shooting a person that you suspect is having an affair with your wife solve? Nothing! You have committed murder and will live to regret the incident for the rest of your life. Yet, again, learn to walk away! If your wife wants to cheat, she’ll cheat. Shooting a person because you feel like he’s disrespecting you won’t solve anything. You’ll go to prison and live to regret that for the rest of your life. Just pack your bags and walk away for the sake of your kids. The worst of all situations is when a person shoots the wife and turns the gun to himself and leave kids without parents. Moruti o hokae? Nowhere! Just learn to walk away! Good people, let’s continue with the discussion. You are more than welcome to send your opinion piece to: Share your views! ‘Mako Bohloa

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