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The Feselady’s beak



Oops. The Feselady has opened her beak after months of hibernation. This time, she was captured on camera looking dazzling but running her mouth as usual. She told a graduation party she is not impressed to see young people in gowns because the government is not giving them jobs. The government demands experience from new graduates, she said. “Where do they think the graduates will get the experience when they are fresh out of school,” she said in what appeared to be a rare moment of genius. Muckraker was pleasantly surprised by the Queen of Drama Queens’ insight which could only have been inspired by spending some nights in jail, a few litšitšili stings and being evicted from the State House. Her audience was thrilled. “Government jobs are given to old people who should otherwise be taking care of our kids while we work,” she added. And just like that, she had slid back to her usual tosh. She forgot she is married to a man who insisted on being prime minister when he was in his mid-70s and had to be dragged out of office kicking and screaming. The same man who is fighting tooth and nail to lead a ruling party when he is inches away from turning 100. This is the embarrassing hypocrisy that comes with giving a mic to a high school dropout at a graduation party. It’s worse when the dropout is an empty vessel. The Feselady should not be speaking at graduation parties because she is a terrible model to graduates, especially the girl child. She bought her dubious doctorate on the internet and celebrated like she had earned it by burning the midnight oil. She is testimony that privilege can be sexually transmitted. Her only claim to fame is to have married in the echelons of power. There is therefore no doubt that she knows zilch about the pain of being an unemployed graduate. The Feselady has never applied for a job in her life. If she did, Muckraker will strip naked and display her wares at Ha Mafafa. The Feselady tiptoed into the corridors of power, snatched an old man, stuffed him in a ha re eng Thaba Tseka and bolted into the veld. Now she is coming back picking her teeth with Phori’s toothpicks and talking about experience, jobs and accusing old people of hoarding employment opportunities. A suitable speech would have included some tips on how to snatch a powerful husband and then rent his power to harass government employees. It might not be the most apposite of speeches but its candid and the graduates would be hearing it from the horse’s mouth. After all, if she did it then others can do it. Just break into a house, steal an old powerful man and then unleash chaos in the institution or organisation he runs. You can always send his wife to her Maker if she tries to block your way to the bridal dress. Then when you are finally confirmed as the real McCoy you lose all decorum and appoint senior officials. In between those usurped assignments you can beat people at a hospital for disrespecting you. If that becomes boring you can tongue lash waiters for delivering your beer late. When the manure hits the fan, you skip the country, hide for two weeks and then come back strolling as if you had just visited the VIP. While in remand prison you can smuggle alcohol for an epic party. When the troubles are too much you simply drag the old man by the ear, thrust him in front of a camera and order him to sing. “Ha re na matla, rea kopa rea lla, Ntate.” That is the Feselady we know, not this one speaking at graduation parties. But our youth lack heroes and we cannot blame them for picking some from the rubbish dumps. Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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