It’s now as naked as a goat’s behind that it will take years for the Democratic Confusion (DC) to heal from its election defeat.
Just when you think the party has recovered from the epic spanking you hear its leaders and supporters screaming and moaning in pain. Their noises are now disturbing our peace.
Right when you are about to catch some sleep you hear ‘M’e oee! Ichuuuuuuu! Ouch. Jonna oee! Everyone else has moved on but the DC is still grieving. Someone pass those crybabies a fatuku before they drown in their tears.
We have long accepted that makoenya are not a clever way of winning elections but the DC just won’t let us enjoy those balls of fried flour in peace because of their screams.
They still believe those balls, proudly distributed by their leader, should have won them votes.
Phew! And they are not even the scrumptious ones from Mamas. A few of them are pretending to be fine and strong but are hurting inside.
The rest have gone mental. There is a collective scratching of bums. The kind we felt for hours after our mothers unleashed peach tree twigs on our rears.
Size Two joined the weeping ceremony at the party’s elective conference last week.
He was the chief mourner. He told the sullen, long faced and tearing supporters that he too was still struggling to understand why the party lost.
He confessed that he, like other criers, was licking his wounds. Even his Camels in Qacha could not console him (he didn’t say that but it’s obvious)
Not even the Sesotho proverbs that he is known for spitting out could fast-track his healing.
It was a sad sight watching a group of adults singing songs of sorrow after an unexpected defeat. Sadly, their grieving is not accompanied by some soul-searching.
They keep wondering why they lost instead of wondering how they will come back.
Muckraker has already told them why they lost. Four words: outthought, out-campaigned, outmanoeuvred and outsmarted.
Even donkeys in Qaqatu have long known that rallies are no longer a useful campaign tool.
This business of driving around villages in a truck loaded with speakers bellowing monotonous political songs is so 1990.
The DC lost because it overrated itself and underestimated its opponents. Arrogance and pride have a way of biting those who possess them in abundance.
The DC should have figured that out by now but it continues to be in denial, pretending that it lost because of some chicanery perpetrated by the RFP.
Muckraker suspects some superstitious souls in the party are even blaming some thokolosi for slithering into the ballots and transferring the “X” from the DC to the RFP.
Others are probably accusing balimo of forsaking the party.
Some goats may have been slaughtered and swallowed in rituals to cleanse the party of bad omens. All of these are fine but will not change the reality that the DC is out of power and should be finding ways to get back.
But given their pain and confusion, Muckraker suspects it will be a long and winding road back to power. The RFP has to have a calamitous disaster for the DC to win back hearts and minds.
What is clear is that there will be no comeback if their leader insists on having that Rastafarian who eats meat for an adviser. Any party whose leader is advised by someone who calls himself ‘Sebonomoea’ is in trouble. We are talking social media and data analytics here, not radio farts.
Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!
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