The ’metse of elections

Forget the campaign message because none of the parties had anything spectacular to sell to the voters.

Don’t mind the manifestos for they were just lies printed on glossy paper. Most of them were just gobbledegook rehashed from previous campaigns.

The same old perfumed tosh. Even politicians themselves did not believe a word of what they wrote in those manifestos.

Some of them are probably wondering what leaves they had smoked to come up with such laughable things. The point is that this election was won on issues or the so-called hunger for change. It is ‘metse that won the election.

And not just arithmetic but statistics and probability.

Thanks to this election, we now know which parties are led by people who bunked mathematics lessons. The ones who think the point of ‘metse is only for counting stolen money.

The DC was running around like a headless chicken, shouting about its old policies as if that mattered to the people. It didn’t know who its voters were and where they were.

It assumed it had strong support in the rural areas because they are traditionally its ‘strongholds’, whatever that means in modern elections.

That assumption was not based on current data but past elections’ results.

They were diving into an election with information as old as a Grade One student in an era when things can change in hours. It takes both naivety and arrogance to do that.

For them, the rural voters are static and incapable of changing their political preferences. The voters belonged to the DC because the DC says it owned them.

Watch them now as they wipe pig manure off their long and sad faces.

The ABC was not even trying to be a headless chicken. It was both headless and legless. It just lay there like a chicken carcass in a Shoprite fridge, ready for anyone to do with it as they pleased.

Cook, fry, boil or roast. In cuts or as a whole. The choice was yours.

And then when it was on a plate, facing the eater, its leaders and supporters loudly wondered what had happened. They are still looking for answers.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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